First of all, I want to clarify that by ‘full time mum’ I mean ‘stay at home mum’, because I know that when we become mums, we all are mums 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, for the rest of our lives.
A few days ago I read an interview with a mum, where she was asked about what advice she could give to other mums who are struggling to get ‘me-time’. To be honest, I identified with her answer. She said: “being a parent is hard, whether you work or stay at home with your kids. It drains you and sometimes it’s hard to remember who you really are under all the parenting and momming in your daily life.”. I often hear of the release mums feel by going back to work. Going back to a job and a career makes us feel that we are more than mums. It can help us to remember who we were before motherhood.
Motherhood is a life changing experience for anyone and it certainly has been for me. It brings so much joy, love, laughter, fears, doubts, anxiety, you name it… but it is also true that in the middle of this life changing experience, we (mums) can feel lost, drained and for many women it can also be a period of loneliness.
Some days I find myself trying to remember what I used to do or liked doing before becoming a mum. One day, a friend of mine told me: “oh! today my son napped for 3 hours and I didn’t know what to do with myself”. The truth is that we get so taken by our little one’s routine and daily activities that we forget ourselves and when our little ones are not around we tend to feel lost!
Sometimes, these feelings can deeply affect our emotions, our relationships and if we let it go further, it can even affect our health. That’s why I believe it’s vital to take steps to not let it get to the stage where you feel completely trapped. For me, it has been incredibly helpful to meet and make new friends. So, I encourage you to go out to playgrounds, parks and play groups and chat with other mums. Since I became a mum I have made very good friends (other mums) and I even have a ‘whatsapp group’ of mums who live nearby. We regularly meet at our local playground or park and share a coffee together while chasing our little ones. Honestly, getting to meet other mums, now friends, has been incredibly helpful and enriching during this journey called motherhood.
Having said that, I believe there are periods in our life when we need to ‘get lost’ in order to find ourselves. We need to re-invent ourselves, to re-connect with ourselves, our passions, our emotions and our dreams. To me, motherhood is giving me that opportunity in some way or another. Actually, creating this blog is a means to connect with those things that I enjoy and am passionate about, like sharing, cooking, eating, well-being, writing and creating. Therefore, I encourage you to try to connect with all the things you feel passionate about, whether that is an activity, a sport, a hobby or a dream.
I know that for us mums, finding the time is our biggest challenge, but again try your best to find it. I know that asking for help can also be difficult at times but it is important to do it when it is needed. Ask your partner, a relative or a close friend to look after your child for a few hours while you have that ‘me time’ that will allow you to connect with yourself and your passion. For instance, when my son has his nap, I try to use those 2-3 hours a day to sometimes write, bake, eat, meditate or work on my blog. Also, I have asked my husband to take our son for his outdoor play on Saturday or Sunday by himself, so I can use those hours to do things for me.
Nevertheless, I believe that finding our true self is an ongoing process. Life is constantly putting us in situations that will allow us to find ourselves and our purpose in life. Perhaps we just need to pay close attention to those moments when life is calling you to awake your passion and purpose to give it to the world. I encourage you to listen to your heart and listen to what it’s telling you now, no matter at what stage in your life you are at. Life will always support us to become the best version of ourselves.